Why I ran in

I was in the car driving my siblings to where they needed to be respectively as my sister was singing worship songs. I tried to join in many times but just felt unworthy, dirty, just...ugh. I felt like I didn't have the right to do that, like I was somehow a hypocrite, how could I use the same mouth... then she started singing "like oil upon your feet, like wine for you to drink, like water from my heart, I pour my love on you. If praise is like perfume, I'll lavish mine on you till every drop is gone, I'll pour my love on you." And I started to sing along, reasoning that regardless of what had happened this morning, what had gone through my mind, my mouth, that no matter how rude, God was worthy of my love; He has done enough in my life to deserve it, even just this week, so in spite of my filthiness I sang, and then I sang "...even when I fail you, I know you love me." and I think that just broke through me. It wasn't about me and what I did, it never had been. It was about God's love for me, that's the only reason I can approach Him, that is the only reason; his love, his sacrifice, stand-alone. If it wasn't my good behavior that made me able to come to Him, why should my bad behavior hinder me. If while I was yet a sinner God approached me in dying for me, I have a feeling that my sins and petty feelings of unworthiness don't scare him or stop him from leaving his hands wide open. And oh, God knows that when I feel so unlovable, those arms are where I need to be, where I want to be even when I don't feel like I have earned the right to go in; I haven't, I'll never need to, I never can if I tried. So I said I was sorry right there in the car to God, and ran in.